Cheesy Potato Soup with Heart Shaped Carrots

     The one good thing about winter is comfort food. What's more comforting than the potato? A big bowlful of warm cheesy potato soup with heart shaped carrots!
   

DISCLAIMER: This recipe is not health food. It's straight up junky comfort food. 

     First, start cooking some bacon. I always chop the strips before I cook them rather than tear or crumble them after. It makes for more uniform pieces that cook more evenly and you can fill the pan better than strips. After it renders a bit and releases some yummy grease (Why sugarcoat it? Call it what you want, but we all know it's bacon grease...hmmm...note to self: try sugarcoated bacon grease....) stir in some finely chopped onion or shallot. 

     While your bacon and onion (or shallot) are getting lovely and golden browned, start cutting your veggies. I just dice the potatoes in chunks. I like to do some small and some large. I get bored eating same sized bites of everything. I like to mix up the textures a bit. MAKE SURE YOU PEEL YOUR POTATOES! I have found out the hard way that when you put diced potatoes in soups the peels fall off and you get potato chunks and pieces of skin in your soup. It's like trying to eat wet paper. Gross.

Yeah my potatoes sprouted, big whoop. They come off with the peel.

     Now for the fun part. I saw these heart shaped carrots in a recipe I pinned from Pinterest. And seriously, don't all cute ideas spring from Pinterest? The pin I read didn't really explain what to do so I put that fancy Art degree to work and figured it out. First, PEEL THE CARROTS! They won't slip off like the potato skins but they look dirty and gross even if you scrub them. It's super off-putting.

     Starting at the big end, slide in the tip of your knife and run it down to the pointed end. Repeat the cut about a half inch from the first cut. Angle these cuts in toward each other. This will create a V-shaped channel down the carrot. 

     Put the big end of the carrot on the cutting board and make a shallow cut down the length of the carrot down the channel you just created. This softens the edge into the rounded top of the heart.

      Now flip it over and put the V side down. Starting at the big end again, and at the middle of the carrot, angle the point of your knife out away from the carrot and make a cut down each side. It's like the exact opposite of what you did on the other side.

End view, don't try to cut it holding it like this or you'll probably chop off your fingers!

     Now for the third and final step, chop the carrot. I try to keep them about the same size as the potato chunks so they'll cook at the same rate.

Oh, the cuteness!

      Place the veggies and bacon mixture in the pot with some chicken broth. Top it off with enough milk or half and half  to cover them. You could also use cream if, you know, you're trying to gain weight.

      Now season. I rarely measure, I just sprinkle in and taste until I get it right. Remember, you can always add more but you can't take it out, so start off light. I usually start with a pinch or about a 1/4 teaspoon. For this soup I use salt, pepper, garlic powder and ground mustard powder. If you haven't tried ground mustard with cheese sauce I really urge you to try. If you don't have it on hand, just omit it and it'll still be fine...just not as good. Bring it to a boil and then reduce heat.

     Here's the secret ingredient. The classiest ingredient I may have ever used. You may think a cheesy soup would call for some hand shredded imported cheese, since it's right there in the title and all. You will be surprised to know that this recipe does not. This recipe requires only the finest liquid cheese you can find in a jar.

     Don't even think about using Cheez Whiz or a store brand. This is the only liquid cheese I buy. It is velvety and delicious. If you're a food snob, don't turn up your nose. Hear me out. I know this is "cheese product" and not "cheese", but it is tasty. I don't care if you're a great chef classically trained, you still eat junk food. If you're worried what your food snob pals will say, just do what I do. Drive 50 miles to a grocery store out of town. Put on a hat and sunglasses and ask them to put the cheese in a plain brown bag, after you use the cheese, wrap it back in the same bag and while driving to work, throw it out your car window into the river as you go over the bridge. Or you could get over yourself and your ego and allow yourself to enjoy some good old white trash liquid gold.

  Last, but not least, after the cheese has warmed through and the vegetables are done, I add a big blob of butter.

I love serving this up with corn bread. And not just any old cornbread, only Jiffy will do. I like to make it in my mini muffin pan. If they're mini, the calories don't count, right?

There it is, in all it's golden glory!

Cheesy Potato Soup

3 strips bacon (cut into strips before frying)

1/4 of a small onion or one small shallot-minced

5 lbs potatoes (I prefer Yukon gold or russet. They stand up to boiling and make the soup nice and thick, also the gold add to the golden color)

3 carrots

1 quart chicken stock/broth

1 to 1 1/2  cup (approximately) milk or half and half or cream

1 teaspoon salt (to taste)

1/2 teaspoon black pepper (to taste)

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (to taste)

1/4 teaspoon ground mustard (to taste)

1 jar Cheesy Ragu Double Cheddar

1 tablespoon butter

Begin frying bacon, as it renders down, add onion/shallot. Cook until bacon is done and onion/shallot is translucent.

While bacon and onion cook, peel and cube potatoes and carrots. 

Pour chicken broth in soup pot, add vegetables and bacon mixture. Pour in enough milk/half and half/cream to cover the veggies. 

Add seasoning.

Bring to a boil and reduce heat to medium/low.

Add cheese sauce. Cook until veggies are done. 

Add butter before serving.

Removing Stubborn Pills From Fabric

     I hate pills, not a little but a lot. They feel like sandpaper. They look like you're too cheap or too broke to buy new stuff. Problem is, I AM usually too cheap to buy new stuff. I hate having something relatively new and wash it only once or twice and it's covered in those gross nubs. I have tried lint rollers, masking tape, duct tape, and those battery operated clothes shavers. None of them work. Oh they may take off the top layer, but they are essentially a joke. 

     We love our quilt. It's the perfect shade to match everything in our bedroom and it's almost too warm yet very light. But, it's covered in pills. I had considered giving it to Goodwill, but I'm pretty sure even a homeless bag lady would be embarrassed to show up at her local alley trash can fire, covered in this mess. So rather than let it get thrown out by the staff at Goodwill, I got a little creative. I took a razor to it! I was surprised, but it actually worked. It wasn't fast and it was boring as all get-out but it worked and I saved $100 (that's what the one from T J Maxx I contemplated replacing it with cost).

Before. Gross!

During...

After! Good as new!

To Poo or Not to Poo

      Whenever I watch anything set in the past, back 100 years or more, I always think, 'I wonder if everyone's hair was greasy back then?' I heard a quote once (I think it was attributed to a former queen) that went something like "A woman should only have three baths in her life. One on the day she's born, the day she marries and the days she dies." I've also heard that about how many times a lady's name should appear in the paper so I may have my facts skewed. At any rate, I know Pantene only came along in the late 80s or early 90s and that means the Little House on the Prairie ladies and Marie Antoinette had to make do with something else and I doubt they were shampooing every day.

     So my friend, who is a master hairstylist thankyouverymuch, has been after me for years to wash my hair at least every other day rather than every day like I have for years. It's taken about two years (yup, 2 years) to level it out but I now know the secret to hair that's not greasy every single morning. The secret is only washing it about 2-3 times per week. 

     About a month ago I saw on the Today show they did a story about a lady who hasn't washed her hair in a year. Kathy Lee Gifford was incredibly rude about it and suggested the lady doesn't bathe, period. I'm sure this is untrue, but I think this is the common belief that you have to wash your hair every day or you're "dirty". Not so. I also have seen a ton of those homemade baking soda/ACV recipes online. I have rinsed with ACV (apple cider vinegar) and it does help seal the cuticle and smooth and soften your hair. On the downside, it also makes your hair dye disappear in just a few washes. As for baking soda, I can't understand why anyone thinks it will clean your hair. It's something I use as a mild abrasive and an odor absorber when I clean my house. It also sometimes leaves a chalky residue behind. I don't need to "scrub" my scalp or hair and I imagine it can't be easy to rinse clean because I've seen how it gets trapped in a rug when I've used it to freshen them before vacuuming.

     My skin, hair and nails have always been on the oily side. The way oily side. Every decade or so I forget this and cut bangs. After a week I remember I can't wear them because they look like they were dipped in mayonnaise by the end of the day. I actually have trouble wearing nail polish or acrylic nails because my nails are so oily. I won't even start on my skin. Let's just say I needed Accutane. Twice. I was sure I'd never ever adjust to not washing my hair every day. It felt like it took forever but it actually just took a few months and now I've transitioned to just twice a week! Occasionally I've even gone a full week between washes and yes, Kathy Lee, I took a shower every day even when I didn't wash my hair!

     While I was transitioning I learned a few tricks. On days 2 or 3 I use a little dry shampoo at the crown and around my face. On days 3 or 4 I usually wear a ponytail, a topknot or a bun etc. I also try not to wear it straight after day 3 because it really draws the eye to your scalp and sometimes it wants to lay really heavy around your ears which is a telltale giveaway that you didn't wash that day. 

     Here are some photos in case you're wondering what "dirty" hair looks like.

Day 2, I rolled it on hotrollers here
but sometimes I sleep in a sock bun the night of Day 1

Day 4, not bad but I usually pull it up

Day 6, believe it or not!
It still has a little wave from the day before